"Neviem."

So I was sitting on a bench at the bus stop in Liptovsky Hradok (one of the neighboring villages to Hybe) the other day, thinking and reading my newest book, “Searching for God Knows What” by Donald Miller, when I heard somebody yell my name. I quickly looked up and saw my friend Vierka, and she asked me, “Kde ides?” (which is “where are you going?”). I opened my mouth to answer her and tried to speak, and after a few seconds, “neviem” (which means “I don’t know") came out. I kind of surprised myself, because I actually knew exactly where I was going. I was there waiting for my host mom to meet me at 2:15, and then we were going to the China shop down the street to search for shoes together, four buildings from the main bus stop, and then we were heading home to Hybe. Yet all I could manage to spit out was “I don’t know.” I think Vierka was a bit confused by my answer, and wondering why I was just sitting on a bench in Liptovsky Hradok alone, with apparently no plan or direction to head in. I just smirked to myself a bit, and then continued on reading.

I realize this sounds like a cheesey little story I could’ve just easily made up to nicely segue into this paragraph, but it actually did happen. Sort of ironic, because of what I was reading, and very in keeping with the life confusion I’ve been feeling this year. As the end of my year gets closer and closer, I’m thinking more about my future, and my lack of plans. I’ve had mixed emotions about next year: sometimes quite excited at the possibilities, sometimes really nervous because I don’t have plans and have no real way of searching for future options here in Slovakia, sometimes happy to go back home and see everyone, sometimes sad to leave here, sometimes all of the above at the same time. And in the midst of all of these feelings, I’ve been praying a lot, asking for help and guidance. And with passing time I feel more and more at peace with this beast of a situation called “my future,” and I’m learning to really put more trust in Him. It has been difficult at times, to say the least. For the first time in my life I’m not automatically heading into another planned year (usually more school, or this planned year of volunteer service), and I’ve been feeling lost. But I’m realizing how much better it feels to not put pressure on myself to control something I ultimately can’t control, and to trust God to put my foot in the direction I need to go, whenever that time comes. I had a great conversation with one of my best friends last week, and she’s taught me about the peacefulness that comes when you pass your worries on to Him, and just trust. This peacefulness is a pretty beautiful thing, really. So, for those of you who are curious as to what I will be up to next year (myself included in this group) and where I will be going, I will tell you. I really have no idea. But I’m feeling pretty content about that at the moment. :-)