Death to the "TO DO" Lists

I recently finished reading “A Simple Path” by Mother Teresa, and found these quotes that I’d like to share with you.

“In the West we have a tendency to be profit-oriented, where everything is measured according to the results and we get caught up in being more and more active to generate results.”

“There is value to it. Being with someone, listening without a clock and without anticipation of results, teaches us about love.”

“The more we can remove this priority for results the more we can learn about the contemplative element of love. “

-The following are words from Brother Geoff, General Servant of the Missionaries of Charity Brothers

This section definitely jumped out at me as I read through it. So true, I kept thinking to myself. I have been struggling with this quite a bit during my time in Slovakia. This all goes back to the basic idea of mission work that we focused on in orientation: accompaniment. My time here has been all about accompaniment, experiencing a different lifestyle WITH others, being in the church community, being part of a family here in Hybe. Just being. Jumping from my college life to this experience has been challenging in quite a few ways, one being this transition from constantly producing “results” to just being.

My time in Hybe has been quite busy, and exceptionally busier than my time in Koseca, as far as being involved with different aspects of the community. But still, I feel this restlessness. I miss college, and I’m having a difficult time adjusting. And I can’t help it. Besides the obvious aspects (like being around people that speak and understand the same language as I do), I miss having deadlines. I miss being REQUIRED to finish papers and exams. I miss the feeling I had after finishing a new piece of writing for one of my writing workshops, and getting responses for them. And grades. And professor critiques. I miss it all. And I wish it were easier for me to simply be satisfied with just “being,” but the truth is that it’s not. It’s hard, but I’m trying every day. It’s so difficult, because I tried for four years to get my act together, to use my time efficiently, to make money for tuition, to PRODUCE results in almost every aspect of my life. And in the midst of amazing experiences here in Slovakia, amongst fantastic people, at times I still feel very unproductive. It’s not that I don’t see the value in the time spent just “being,” I absolutely do. But I still have this discontentment sometimes. This is pretty frustrating. Admittedly, this unproductive feeling that eats at me sometimes is one of the driving forces behind my blog writing. (Although definitely not the ONLY reason. I thank God for the ambition/ability to write.)

At many different points during my time in Hybe, I admit I’ve made “To Do” lists (yes, I’m one of those people…yet I don’t always accomplish the things on the list. It just feels good to make them). These lists contain things that are usually completely pointless, in comparison to the importance of just spending time with my host family, sitting in a church service with the youth group, etc. I’ve found myself writing small tasks on the list, just for the purpose of being able to cross something off my list, because MAN, does it feel good to cross things off the list sometimes. My need to cross things off the list is currently very frustrating. I don’t know if I’m really a person that NEEDS to produce “results” (I hope to not be like this), or if it’s just part of my transition from college to reality.

I guess my purpose for writing this blog entry (besides my need to communicate this to all of you, and to get my feelings out on “paper”) is to ask a prayer request of you. I ask that you please pray for my patience and contentment with just “being,” so that I can get rid of the “To Do” lists, because I’m driving myself a bit crazy with them.

Thank you, as always, for your support!!! For reading my thoughts, for your prayers, for everything. I am incredibly grateful. Words can’t express.

Until next time…